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My arms feel heavy, as if they have borne a great weight and must now rest. Yet there has been no weight and rest aplenty. The ear hears the sweet harmony of ten-thousand maniacs as I despair at this disconnect from reality. I can only manage a minute or two, a dozen brush strokes at the most. Work is laborious despite the relative ease of it all. And not only in front of the canvas. Showers become impossible as well. Arms and legs struggle under their own weight as I attempt to wash away the grime of the tedious hours, grime that comes so cheap. I struggle to scrub the itch away as upon my head I spread an even cheaper grime. Will it ever truly fade, this itch...? Will I ever beach this disconnect, bridge this divide that leaves me as a museum piece, motionless and hardly regarded as the world moves past, ever faster, increasingly disinterested? Is there any hope for the future...? If there is, it keeps silent in my company, so silent as if to scream silence into my brain; quietly laughing at my misery as I lay here resting the rest I need not, amid the muted and muffled sorrows of the deathly tedious hours, hours that mark the progression of my slow, agonizing suicide one step at a time, ever one day closer to the grave.
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:iconfloriaiglenoir:
floriaiglenoir Featured By Owner Edited Jul 27, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
... I only saw Your "moment of poetic inspiration" by now, dear friend.The pain and despair is described in a very poetic and subtile way, of course...but I am a bit(ok...much) worried, by reading this.I do  Isuzu Worried Iconhope it is not, what You are truly feeling.Especially when I see the date(which would be in the future...? 7 -9 -2017...
Pleas reassure me, my friend, this is almost sounding like a requiem...:iconcuteblackplz::iconplzhug:... I has a sad 
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:iconcorsecagent:
CorSecAgent Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
No, not in the future. I guess you don't know that in the U.S. it's habitual to put the month first and then the day when rendering the date in such a fashion. Sorry for the confusion and worry. :hug:

And no, kit's nothing like that, it's just an expression of how I was feeling on that particular day....and many other days since... I've been having medication issues lately... Hopefully these things will get sorted out soon... :shrug:
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:iconfloriaiglenoir:
floriaiglenoir Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
...oh, I didn't know about that, :blush: but I am glad that my worries are not justified :iconjoyloveplz:
it is good, that You can "let it out", expressing, when You feel or need to it...:iconpetplz:
I hope You are feeling better, by the time I am writing this...take good care, dear J...:iconrainbowheartplz:
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:iconcorsecagent:
CorSecAgent Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes and no. It's better being off of the one medication that wasn't helping but it hasn't been a joyous time. I still feel very hollow and numb at certain points every day and there are times where I look around and think 'I'm ready for all this to be over' or something like that. The upside is that my focus appears to have improved a significant amount.

I have a session with my psychiatric nurse practitioner today so hopefully the medication issue will get sorted out even more. :hug:
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:iconfloriaiglenoir:
floriaiglenoir Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
...I am very sorry to read this...I can understand...:iconsadplz:...but , I think You proved so many times, how strong You are, and You will be able to focus and joyful things, soon...I really wish it to You,and that people around You are giving You all the support You need, and the right medication, as well my-dear-friend! by vafiehya ..:iconcuteeagerplz:
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:iconcorsecagent:
CorSecAgent Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I appreciate your encouragement, Flori. :hug:

I would love to feel better all the time, I really would. It's just not happening at the moment...
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:iconfloriaiglenoir:
floriaiglenoir Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
...I understand, and I am very sorry, that for the moment Your condition is so.I really hope , there will be something happening to help You and feel better soon, my friend...please, stay strong, and keep on faith...better days will come soon, I am sure...:iconspazhugplz::iconcuteeagerplz: sending You my best thoughts...:iconcuteicondividerplz:
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:iconcorsecagent:
CorSecAgent Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Things are getting better. My medication is stabilizing me to a large degree. I've been very focused on a painting recently. So much so that it feels more like a compulsion to paint than a conscious decision...

I am having back issues lately though, so I'm going to have to talk to my doctor about that on Friday. :shrug:
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